Women Open Up About How A First Born Affects A Marriage
James Kayindi, May 22, 2017
Today’s topic is pretty sensitive and extensive, it’s an issue you will deal with daily in your marriage.
Mother in laws! The sound of it will make some ladies cringe but then again the reality of it is that all ladies will be somebody’s mother in law someday. The real question is, will you end up a good mother in law or a terrifying one?
I have heard a lot of stories about bad mother in laws, but just one or two about the good ones. So it got me thinking, why are the good ones so few? Or maybe the daughter in laws are either just as bad or clearly unfair in their assessments of mother in laws? A few factors are clearly responsible but that we will tackle later on.
The question usually is: How do I know if my soon to be mother in law is going to be a warm or cold mother?
Well, I think the answer is quite an easy one. You will know the moment you meet her, in fact, if you are observant enough, you ought to know her personality from the way her son talks to her on the phone or talks about her. As a lady it is your job to find out everything about your fiance’s family. His relationship with his parents and siblings are very important. It will give you an idea of the kind of family you are about to join.
When you meet your mother in law to be for the first time, one of these three things will definitely happen: she may instantly fall in love with your person, she may dislike you, or at sight, be just indifferent towards you.
For your own good health, I pray your experience will be the first and last option at worst but never the less, let us take it from the top. If your mother in law likes you upon your first meeting, trust me, you are amongst the lucky few, treasure it, however this might change just as quickly as it had happened – that is if you have a nasty character.
If your place in the mother-daughter in law relationship rank is the exact opposite of the first option, then I have to tell you ‘sorry’. Usually I tell my close friends, if your soon to be mother in law does not like you, please run in the other direction. If she didn’t like you from the beginning, chances are she never will – she will likely always be against you on all fronts. She will never see you as part of the family or respect you as her son’s wife. I have seen so many stories of a mean mother in law and none ended up well. Ladies you don’t want to live your married life days in a thug of war with your mother in law because it will eventually rub off on your health, lifestyle, relationship with your hubby and even your children’s relationship with their grandma but again, it is not entirely hopeless, there is always a slim chance things might turn around for you in future.
In the event that your mother in law in waiting, is indifferent towards you, just know that the future of your relationship with her is fully in your hands. This category of mothers are just sitting on the fence, watching you – getting to know who you really are. She wants to be sure you are worthy of her sons love. Usually they do not interfere in your marriage without being invited to.They respect their sons’ decision to marry you and take you as part of them. With this type of mother in law, you have to earn their love and affection over time and when they love you, they will love and respect you as much as they do their son.
When I hear ladies say things like ‘my fiance loves me so much his mother can never come between us’ or ‘he said I am getting married to him not his mum’, I just shake my head. Easier said than done! Talk is cheap I must add.
The truth is, for most men that say such, they are hoping mum will in time take to liking you. While this hope might hold true for some ladies, it is absolutely hopeless for others. Without meaning to be a statistician, it is really a clear 50/50 chance. So you have to ask yourself: Am I ready to walk into a marriage with an equaled possibility of experiencing first hand hostility or hospitality?
Taking your time to answer this question will help you deal with the future even before it comes because marriage is not a decision to be taken lightly, at least not in this part of the world.
In all that you do, ensure that you have, at least a cordial relationship with your man’s mother. You don’t have to be best of friends, just make sure she supports your relationship with her blood. Respect and honor her, because she gave birth to the man you love and more importantly, respect and honor the relationship between mother and child. Do your best to hold back that sweet devilish spirit always asking you to interfere in their affairs.
One day, you will be in her shoes, so before you demand a doting mother in law, make sure your cupboard is cleared of all evil spirits.
I hope you enjoyed reading this piece.